Moving On…

There's that constant tug that we have and carry into our everyday lives. We judge, compare, think, write, imagine, and dream. But all of those things are things that are constantly different to what we consider our "norm." The norm of our everyday lives that we seek. We're always changing without ever truly realizing. Changing our hair, changing our clothes, changing our makeup, changing our bodies, changing our shoes, hell it even goes down to just changing our knickers everyday. However, sometimes we're not focusing on the right thing to change. But I must say and put this out there, the last part about changing our knickers, is for hygiene, so please change that often; and Thank you. Sorry for the tangent, but sometimes it needs to be said. And as the title states, Moving on… Let's move on. 

It's possibly one of the hardest things that someone can do. Acquiring a new habit is easy, on contrary to changing a habit. We all become so accustomed to the habit that it naturally just becomes a second nature. Whether we like it or not, that habit is our nature. The nature that will and eventually define us. For the old sake of it, I will compare it to training your dog, or better yet, when you meet someone new and start dating. The excitement of meeting and dating someone new, you can be whoever and whatever you want to be. But you'll never truly be able to drift that far off from reality, unless you plan on never meeting or running into that person ever again. In that case, let your mind run wild and fulfill your wildest dreams and be whoever you want for that night. We all need an escape and being different is always refreshing. But that refreshing feeling can stay constant with you for as long as you allow it to. You can always stay fresh, but it's only if you want it. How badly do you want it? Dig deep and rationalize your past. See your mistakes for what they were and accept them. Don't make excuses for your mistakes because that will never lead you to your answer for change. We have to step outsides of ourselves and look in. Relish in the happiness and continue to seek it. Take the old adage, "If it isn't broke, don't fix it," but if it is broke find the broken part and change it; or all together chuck the broken scrapes, start all over again and make something great and stronger than before. The power of change will always and only rely within us. It will always be really hard closing chapters and moving forward when the past will always tug at you. All of us find comfort subconsciously in our pasts, all for the mere fact that its familiar to us. Going back to relationships, haven't you had a friend or significant other that you knew was always bad for you but you stayed anyway? You stayed because you were afraid. You stayed because you didn't know what was out there. You stayed because you found the comfort in knowing what you knew. You stayed because you felt safe. We all have our breaking points. Love is unconditional, but patience has an expiration date. The greatness that we seek is bounded to trials and adversities. Only through those adversities will you ever come to realize your true self. Possibly my favorite quote about strong women is from Eleanor Roosevelt: "A woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water." Her words are my personal quote of strength. It's what has helped my heart heal from bloodline hurt. Look in to find your true north and follow your internal compass. Take that step of bravery because in the end, your happiness is worth everything in the world. Personal happiness is all too fragile to hand to the one standing next to us. It will always be scary, but the scariest things can also be the smallest softest things. I remember walking around my house when I was younger only to be frightened by the shadow of my favorite blanket. Once we shine the light of our hope in the right direction, nothing will ever seem as scary. If it isn't hard, it isn't worth it. If it isn't worth it, don't waste your time. But your happiness is worth every fiber of your internal being. Move forward to the place of happiness and change your personal nature. The grass doesn't always have to be greener, it just has to be better.

Wishes. Maybe. Hope. Fear. Love.

Maybe wishes were just meant to be wishes because reality would spoil the magic of it all...

Its a night of nights for me. Interesting conversations tend to take me away in the darkened night. Contrary musings to write about yet nothing substantial really pulls through. Tufting and teetering back and forth upon words of wishes, loves, and waiting to wanting love.

its an interesting conversation to be had with oneself or even yet another. Such a boundless bounded word that many willfully follow and chase. i can find myself chasing and wanting that dream, yet having that dream fulfilled is possibly the most terrifying aspect in the world to me. I suppose because it significantly means we are NOT alone. There is yet another we must and have to verify and validate our connection to. To being bounded with another soul and human-being. It feeds our stability, it feeds our purpose. In-born love is easy. It's factual and concretely there to explain. But the emotions expressed from one stranger to another will forever be unexplainable to me. Or maybe it wont be, but for now I think it will. There's that tiny tendency where you find yourself talking in circles. Wavering back and forth like a palm tree during a hurricane. We test the bending abilities of ourselves and our partners. Why? For the insignificant satisfaction that we can. There's this sadistic factor of it all. Without pain there is no gain. Maybe the physical factors of scars hold a tendency to be true with our metaphysical emotional scars we begin to carry at birth. Could there be a correlation? Are they faceted just the same? Scar tissue is thicker and we must travel deeper in-order to make a significant standing in oneself. Perhaps its upon getting to know someone, you find their scars, you find their wounds, your find their weakness to build upon. You take that virtue of their "I will never.." to your "I just did..." Its a cruel game those play to build upon wounds of another so you yourself won't feel any. And then there is that golden heart of true and healthy virtue that we all wish and dream to exist. Call me a little melancholic or a little pessimistic or defeatist, but with my life; you couldn't blame me. I'm not so sure that it would exist for me, none of us are. But we all carry a little beam of light called HOPE. There's hope for everyone, a small one, but hope none the less. And the only reason that I believe in this hope, is because I see that it exists. To see is to believe, to feel is to know, to see and know provide truth. Perhaps this is where I turn the corner and jackhammer my concrete heart. But we're still a moment and a half away from that. I have been blessed to completely alter my life. I've made more changes than I think I possibly could have in this past year. I've come to truly say the words: "I'm proud of myself." I'm proud to say that. Honestly it's solely because I've been surrounded by two very important people that have been able to love me as if i was their own. To see the love, to know the love, to feel the love; its been my greatest weakness and strength ever given to me. We all have hardened hearts built on fear, resistance, and personal protection. Ultimately it all befalls on one word- FEAR. We're afraid. No one likes to be afraid. It puts us into the category of vulnerability. If were vulnerable, we're susceptible- to everything. It's the leap of faith that we take every blue moon out of courage. "There's nothing to fear but fear itself." Right? It's just like that magical kiss from our parents that we receive at bedtime. It's that kiss of strength. It's that kiss of love. It's that kiss that allows us to know the Boogie Man can't eat us, the Monsters under the bed can't scare us, that Freddy can't touch us, and that Chucky can just well "Suck It!" That loving kiss of light gives us strength and armor. That simple little kiss surrounds us in armor molded of gold by the best blacksmith in town. Its LOVE that comes to protect us; not FEAR. It's LOVE that comes to heal us. It's LOVE that comes to comfort us. And it's that love we want to find. It's that love that we want. It's that love that we need. All because we know that it exists. And its in that moment from that simple kiss we all learn to know: 

We all have our prince and princess custom molded for us, waiting just for us...